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And something to remember is that we are only hurt by something we judge about ourselves.” Of course, it can be difficult to discuss such issues without hurting feelings.
“There has to be a way to talk about the situation without blaming or criticizing,” says Beverly Hills-based psychotherapist Dr. “It’s very important to acknowledge out loud that you’re feeling hurt.
Brutal honesty is hurtful in this situation because it hurts the relationship by signaling lack of acceptance. Love is acceptance, so if the person you love accepts you, his only job is to continue loving you,” she adds.
“Many people think that being hurtful will motivate someone to do something faster,” says relationship expert Lindsay Kriger.
I have heard a wife call her husband a ‘fat pig’ before.
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Instead of being a motivating force, it causes people to shut down, do the opposite or develop resentment and anger towards the criticizer.” There may be many reasons a man would address his partner’s weight gain, ranging from loss of attraction to being controlling, but it could be as simple as genuine concern.